Mother’s Day is coming up. Soon to be followed by Father’s Day. I don’t like this time of year because I’m bombarded by ads all over the place telling me where to get “the best gift for mom”. Even if I wasn’t watching tv, I saw a sign on a restaurant door or a couple emails in my inbox. Can’t escape it.
In the past, a friend or two have suggested doing something to remember/honor my mother (or father) on these days or their birthdays. Rarely do I take follow that advice, but sometimes I think about it. My selfish wish for Mother’s Day would be to take my mom out to brunch or dinner and discuss my life. In real life, I probably wouldn’t do this. In real life, it’d be all about her. But I think this because it’s been almost 8 years since I’ve had a conversation for her. So, of course, my wish is to sit down and have these grand discussions. About M, seminary and how it sparked a change in everything I thought I knew, my job, my uncertainty about my life, my insecurities, my fights with my sister (or other family members), friends…
Even though I like to think I’d talk about it all openly with her, the truth is I don’t know if I would.
All I know is that I would love the opportunity.
So there are a few days of the year that inevitably unearth feelings of dread or sadness or whatever. Those days are…my birthday, the anniversary, Mother’s Day, my mom’s birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving.
I told some that this year my birthday was really great. I think it was the best one I have had since my mom died. I actually had fun and while I missed her, it didn’t quite sting as much. Mother’s Day is always interesting. The first Mother’s Day after everything happened a bunch of people called my sister and I. I know they were trying to help, but it just made it worse, them all calling and saying things…made her absence that much more obvious, if that’s possible. The thing about days like Mother’s Day is that it is such a commercial day (in some ways..not saying I don’t like the day lol) that as it draws near I just keep hearing/seeing so much about it. EVERYWHERE. I got an email from amazon.com…Best Buy is having a sale…Post Secret is considering putting up Mother’s Day secrets…jewelry stores are having sales…heck, everyone is having a sale lol And then social media outlets will be filled with people saying things about their moms. Which is great. It is. I’m not knocking it and definitely not saying I don’t want to see/hear about those things. I appreciate many of my friend’s mothers too because they have embraced me so much since everything happened. I just…I never like remembering so acutely that she isn’t here. & on Mother’s Day I feel it so much. Maybe not any more or less than any of the other days, but it is just so in my face on Mother’s Day. I may or may not write a post this year’s Mother’s Day. But..this is just how I have been feeling since I got that first email from Amazon reminding me that this thing or another might be a good gift idea for my mother, so I should order it soon! lol
On a brighter note, 1st year of grad school is almost over! I didn’t think I would make it. 🙂