Organized Chaos

I’ve been wanting to write a post for awhile, but haven’t gotten around to it. I feel like work (and life) keeps me either busy or tired. When I do have time to myself, I spend it sleeping or watching something online. I’ve realized I haven’t been reading as much lately either. I want/need to make that more of a priority, but even that’s hard when all I want to do is lay down most of the time. 

Let’s play catch up…

I turned 29 last month. That’s weird. I feel old, but I’m also quickly reminded of how young I still am, in many ways. Thinking back, I think I expected my life to be different. I thought I’d somehow have my life figured out by now, and I don’t. I feel more confused than ever. Who knew that being an adult would feel so..unadult-like?  I thought I’d be more stable by now, and, though I’m doing ok, I’m not where I’d like to be. That’s fine though, I know there’s time for that. Well. Theoretically it’s fine. In reality, I may or may not be freaking out about it on some level lol 
What else…I didn’t expect to have a boyfriend, a nice, albeit odd, occurrence that happened a few months before my birthday. I was able to experience Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and my birthday with him. It’s odd for a variety of reasons, but wrestling with my insecurities has taken on a new turn with him in my life. He’s aware of them, and speaks to them at times, but I try to do my part as well. As usual, I find myself overthinking and over analyzing things…using my logical side to talk myself out of (or into) things. I have some trust issues that make me not want to be too…anything (too happy, too trusting, etc.) but I am trying to live in the moment and not get caught up in things I shouldn’t, while also being ‘common sense’ about things. I do think we mesh well though. We’re similar in many ways and very different in others. Of course, I think about my parents and wishing they could meet him. Wishing I could talk to my mother about things because this is new for me. I have, however, found some comfort in close friends who allow me to talk when I need it. Then, I suppose, I have the blog when I want to just write…and my thoughts are my constant companion, of course.

I’m also planning to attend 4 weddings this year. 3 friends and 1 family member. It’ll be a busy year. The first one is in a few weeks and I’m excited. A little nervous about the bridesmaid dress, but it’s lovely so I think I’ll be ok. Hopefully. Lol 

Lastly (for now), is that I’m trying to figure out what in the world I’m going to do with myself in life. I’m no longer sure I want to teach lol one thing that remains certain is my desire to work with/concerning the international  community. I’m just unsure about the capacity. I need to spend some time seriously considering what it is I want to do. I’ve realized that so much of me is caught up in what I feel is expected of me, and I don’t like that. I’ve prided myself on being able to fit in most places…as an introvert, it’s a handy skill. But I have to be careful too and make sure that I still remain true to myself. 

This is getting long so, I’ll stop here for now. Thanks for listening. 

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One thought on “Organized Chaos

  1. Loving the developments! 29 is going to be a wonderful year!

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