I had a dream about my mother last night. It was wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time. In typical dream fashion, when I first awoke the dream was so clear. Now, I can feel it getting dimmer; the details slipping from my grasp.
I was making my rounds saying goodbye to friends and coworkers. I remember not being sure where I was going. I thought I might be staying in the area (wherever the area was), but I wasn’t positive. So, I told people I’d let them know. I distinctly remember being in the car with my mother, and her waiting for me while I ran inside another building to say my goodbyes. I approached a friend of mine, A, gave her a hug, and told her my mom was waiting for me/my mom was here.
A pulled back from me, met my eyes, and said, “No, she’s not.”
Perplexed, I willed myself to recall the image of my mother in the car waiting for me. This was successful so, puzzled, I looked at A and said, “…yes. She is. She’s downstairs.”
This is where the details are starting to escape me. I’m not sure if she told me once more or just let me keep talking/gave me another hug. I do remember, clearly, the moment I realized that she was right. I grabbed her and fell to my knees, tears in my eyes. It was like seeing the truth for the first time. The memory of her waiting just downstairs had been replaced with the knowledge that she died some time ago.
“You’re right,” I said, “She’s not.”