TKO

There are times I think I’m fine and other times I’m sure I’m not. Both probably say something about where I am on/in this whole “grieving process”. I don’t know that I’m afraid of death perse, but I fear the process of dying. It’s probably more because it’s unknown. And though I wouldn’t say I’m a control freak, I do like/prefer to be in the know. The thought of life slipping away from me or suddenly being ripped from my grasp is a scary thing. I suppose that’s normal. But my mother dying almost 5 years ago and my father a few months ago has me seeing death in places I do not wish to see it, but I cannot help it. In places  where it may not even be that “serious”, it’s the first thing I think of. And when I think about it, I get such a feeling of anxiety and dread, that I don’t even know what to do with it or how to rid myself of it. The sinking feeling in my stomach at reliving what I already do or someone else experiencing what I know too well. I know death is a part of life…I hold no grand delusions that I will live forever, but at times like these I fear death has overwhelmed my psyche. 

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