I’m sure I’ve written about it before and per usual I always feel guilty when I write about the same thing. Despite it being my blog, I still think that whoever reads this gets tired of it. Even though I can hear my friends and sisters saying otherwise. The thought makes me smile…lol..especially because some of them would be quite forceful, insisting that they have told me multiple times that I can say what I want/when I want about this topic.
I’ve made a pretty big decision recently and I wish my mom was here with me. Although I suppose if she was actually here, I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen this. I’m not so sure though. She’s definitely the reason this came to mind and one reason why I want to do it, but I think if she was here, I’d still want to do it. I know people are concerned and don’t want me to do it. That’s hard especially when it is some who I know love and care for me…and know me almost more than I know myself. Someone asked me once what I think she would do/say. I don’t know if she would want me to do it, necessarily, but I think she’d support me. She’d probably cry. Man, I miss her.
I always miss her when I’m having some…I don’t know, at the risk of sounding dramatic (lol) some type of inner turmoil. Especially because sometimes there are things I don’t really want to talk about with anyone except her. Or when I just want to hear her opinion on something. Her point of view. Her voice.
On the…”bright side”, I guess…I’m both excited and nervous about my decision. I don’t regret it in the least and if I go through with it, as I plan to, I’m happy and blessed to have people who love and support me by side. Those who both knew my mother and who only have a glimpse of her through me. And for that, I am truly grateful.