I was thinking…just now (lol) that I don’t think I really believe in myself. That’s not good. Looking back, that’s definitely detrimental to my goals, dreams, ambitions, etc. It can be difficult to have a support system when, at the end of the day, you aren’t even behind yourself. If, after everyone leaves and the other voices are gone…my own isn’t even in support of me.

Maybe that’s also a bit of the reason why I seek affirmation so often from people. Constantly questioning/wondering where I am or where I fall in people’s lives. Which, to an extent, I guess most people do at some point, maybe, in life. But I put a little too much emphasis on it. Feeling lost in life is partly because even though I may have things I want to do or am interested in doing…I don’t really think I could/can do them.

That’s kinda depressing, right? Difficult to succeed when I don’t have confidence in myself or my abilities. My graduation date has been pushed back and, though I’m still a little shaky about these new changes I’m making, I’m kind of glad I’m not graduating. I don’t know what I would do or where I would go when I’m finished.

All this…it’s keeping me in one spot, in a sense.

And no one can make me move except me.


On to my research papers.


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