Something I have realized and talked to some people about is that I don’t usually let my sister see my cry. I’m not sure why I do this and I can’t really see myself not doing it.
Last night when she went to bed I was crying,but she came back out and asked me for something,so I just handed it to her with my head down lol Oddly enough she didn’t notice. Which is cool,I mean that was my goal,but it just had me thinking. I’ve been told I shouldn’t hide/keep that from her,but I’ve also said that I even though we are practically the same age…she is still my younger sister,my baby sister to me. Maybe I feel like I have to be “strong” for her or something and that includes not letting her see me cry.
Idk. This past week at convention I was told that it doesn’t seem like I really let myself grieve. That I just push it down. & I agree with that. I tend to supress it mostly and it overflows sometimes. Especially when I’m home. I think that’s also why I don’t get much sleep when I’m home. In general,I like to stay up late,but it seems like when I’m home,I push it even more,to the max.
I..was going to write something else,but I actually forgot lol so I guess I will end it here.