Excuse the randomness and structure-less nature of this post.

Grief is an interesting thing. & we can grieve about a lot of different things…which I think people forget sometimes.

I remember feeling extremely selfish…I still do sometimes. Sometimes I let myself feel/be that way,other times I push it aside. I wrote once about how I thought telling people how I felt was getting old because I felt like I said it so often. Now, when it happens,if it happens because I feel stressed or just randomly just because…or if something or someone else brings me back to that time or place…idk.

I told God the other day that I felt like I made the decision to take a step in His direction,instead of away from Him. But that now I don’t know what to do. Sometimes it is like…I have turned around to face Him,but I haven’t taken the step towards Him. So I’m no longer where I was…but I’m not where I could/should/want/need to be. It’s an interesting thing. Other times,I think I’m expecting too much of myself sometimes. There are days,and I think I have written this before,where I think I am completely fine,but then others where I know I’m not. And then,still, there are days where I think I shouldn’t be thinking about myself this much. There are other things…other people…guess that is where the selfishness thinking comes in.

These past 2 weeks of school have been really difficult. It’s like,I went away for my birthday and came back and all the chaos erupted. I don’t know what happened. Ace said to take one thing at a time,prioritize,focus,these things. So I’m trying that.

Most times I feel ridiculous. I feel ridiculous writing this! Lol. But I decided to do so anyway. Good night,world.


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