Somewhere Out There

Does anyone remember the song, “Somewhere Out There”? It’s from the movie American Tail. The one about the mice…Fiefel? Just me? And Ace? lol I haven’t seen that movie in SO long. But the song came first on my Disney Pandora Station (make one, if you like Disney movies..it will change your life) and I remember hearing it like, “…wait..I KNOW this song…” lol Anyway, I was telling a friend of mine yesterday (and I have told Ace before) that the song makes me sad, it makes me want to cry, almost. My friend asked me why and I tried to pinpoint it. I’m not sure I really thought through why this song brought a bit of sadness to my mind, but then I realized it sort of made me think of my mom. The first line of the song  is Somewhere out there/beneath the pale moonlight/someone’s thinking of me/and loving me tonight. Thinking about it, that was one thing that really saddened me and tore my heart when my mom died. I always sort of, whether consciously or unconsciously, thought to myself that no matter what, no matter what happens, my mom will always be out there. I can always go back to her if I need to or want to, or if something goes wrong. This song kind of reminds me of that thought and how, after she died, one of the few things I could think was that I don’t have anyone to go back to. Or I don’t have her to go back to. Mom was synonymous with home so in my heart, all of that took on new meaning without her.

In writing this, I had to also ask myself if I still feel this way. I can honestly say I have felt like this for almost 2 years. And I can’t say it has gone away, but I think maybe I feel a bit differently too. Home will never be the same without her. Christmas/New Year’s was so hard…but I did get to see my family and my sister, all of whom I haven’t seen in about a year. So that was good. But at the same time, once night fell, all I could think about was her and how she wasn’t there. Maybe “home” has taken on a different meaning for me now. While I still wish my mom was here/want her here…I no longer feel completely lost. Well. I do, at times, but it’s also like I have these little beacons out there to draw me in or draw me back. And I am grateful for these people. They can’t imagine how I need them.

So, yes. All of this from a song from a cartoon. People sleep on cartoon soundtracks…but they have some heartfelt things in there.

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