These past few weeks,I haven’t been as sad as I was,say, last month. It feels weird. Odd,isn’t it, when sadness or anger or some emotion (whether positive or negative) that has been your ‘companion’ for awhile suddenly is absent? It’s not that I miss it,perse, it’s just a weird feeling. I wonder when/if it will return and when/if it does,what that will be like. I had two times in the past month where I spontaneously burst into tears. Once because I thought to myself that I should call her and tell her about a grade I got and then another because…I suppose because it was just a wave emotion that came over me. Both times the entire thing lasted no more than maybe an hour or so. Still is interesting each time. Especially when it came out of nowhere!

Also, few times lately I have been seeing like older/elderly women and thinking to myself that my mom won’t ever be that age or whatever. Then it makes me think of how people say that…you know,she isn’t suffering now and isn’t in pain and all of that. I read something that said typically the sadness in grief that is had by the person grieving is for themselves. Which I knew/know,but I guess I never think about it. Idk. Future things are…hard to think about or look forward to sometimes because at the end of the day,her absence changes things. I know I have said that before. But it is the realization that as I get older and such,she won’t be here. 

Just my thoughts just now….


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