LoVe

One of my sisters once said of me, “Ade, when you like something, you really, really like it.” I have thought of her/that a few times when a situation presents itself that proves that statement true. & it is. I’ve noticed with music and food especially lol If I come across a song I have never heard before, but really like, I will listen to it over and over and over. I LOVE cereal. Most people know that I could eat cereal all day, everyday and be perfectly content. I would also like to make a disclaimer that if this song is old, don’t judge me. I don’t listen to the radio often and this station down here seems to play old music. So sue me. Anyway, I heard this song on the radio and thanks to a lovely little app called Shazaam, I was able to find out the artist and the name of it. It’s called “Arms” by Christina Perri.  My favorite line in the song is:

 I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope you catch me, cause I’m already falling

I googled the lyrics and the song because I don’t like it when I like a song and then find out the artist meant something different lol Not that it changes completely what it meant to me, but I just like to be sure of things. Christina said the following things about the song:

” ‘Arms’ is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved, but your head is always telling you reasons to to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It’s about the struggle and finally giving in when you’re wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins.”

Yea..I think this song says a lot. Even though she is speaking in terms of romantic love, I don’t think it has to be limited to that alone. It also encompasses love from different types of relationships: friendships, parent-child, siblings, family…love in general.  Sometimes people feel that they aren’t worth loving. Sometimes they are afraid to be loved and even to love in return because of the hurt that has come from it in the past.

For me, I like the line I mentioned above because I feel like when I do get in a relationship, dude is going to have to fight to get past the walls that I have up. I remember I met this guy at school once and we were talking (such a ridiculous slang word lol) and he was obviously interested in me. The one thing I remember thinking to myself clearly was, “Oh, this is a game.” I was convinced he could have no reason to be attracted to me or interested in me. I didn’t believe it was or could be legit, but I said, “ok. It’s a game. I’ll play.” I think I did that to feel more in control of the situation and if it didn’t “work out” (which it didn’t), then I would be fine. And I was. But I sort of have that mindset in general. But that isn’t to say that I don’t want to be loved or in a relationship one day. I do. But this is what I have up at the moment. A few other lines I think are important:

The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved/I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone/You put your arms around me/And I believe that’s its easier for you to let me go

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth/And I’ve never opened up/ I’ve never truly loved til you put your arms around me

You put your arms around me and I’m home

I think the lyrics speak for themselves so I’m going to TRY to not write too much about them (I get carried away sometimes when I write lol).

But the first one…people who feel like they aren’t worth being loved, like I said  and when they realize they are..they want to just love in return, but another worry they have is hurting the one they love which, in turn, brings them back to not feeling worthy if they hurt they one(s) they do love and who love them. Continuing with that, feeling as if it’s easier for people to let go of or leave them because it isn’t a real love or a love that they need/desire/want.

Secondly, not really wanting to open up because of the fear that when you do…you will get attached and then get hurt or let down.

And, lastly, the feeling of having someone’s arms around you, someone who you do love and who loves you back. Who cares about you. I like that it is compared to “home” wherever that may be. It doesn’t have to be where you grew up, it can be the place or person or people who you feel safe with or who you can be yourself with, everything down and everything open and nothing matters. I think about a good hug, for this line. When I need a hug, the people I want a hug from…that make everything a little better or make me happier, cheer me up, I feel safe, comforted and all of that. The best hugs ever.

If you’re reading this, and you think this applies to you or I’m writing because I thought about you…you’re probably right lol This song almost makes me cry. There are so many broken hearts that need healing. So many hearts that were broken unnecessarily..not that there is a reason for it to be broken, but I mean hearts that shouldn’t have been. Hearts that trusted and opened only to be hurt as a result. I just want to tell you, to tell US (because I’m in that category…if you know me, you know that while a lot of things may not have happened to me, I have my own struggles. we all do.), that it is ok to want to be loved. Some of us desire to be in a relationship one day or had relationships that ended or had a love (from whomever -romantic or not) that wasn’t returned or was perverted in some way or that was taken advantage of…it won’t always be like this. & you do deserve to love and be loved in return. I hope everyone knows that God loves them. And sometimes even though we know that, that isn’t necessarily the type of love we are talking about. We are talking about a romantic love or even a friend’s love, someone just to be there. To be around. I’m just starting with God because He needs to be first. And He is love. The ultimate expression of it. It’s something I struggle with too. But know that God loves you. On a personal, one-on-one, face-to-face level. He loves YOU as YOU, for YOU. He loved you first and He will love you last. Then, please remember that I love you too.  I also think the video is pretty cool. Enjoy.

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2 thoughts on “LoVe

  1. JustLissen says:

    De-O… you and I are going to fight. I’m literally going to scratch one of your eyeballs, so beware! You’re not supposed to make me cry, Little Foot, especially when I have on makeup. It’s really not a good look. And even worse, I’m at work *fist shake*.
    My favorite line is the same as yours:
    “The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved/I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone/You put your arms around me/And I believe that’s its easier for you to let me go. I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth/And I’ve never opened up/ I’ve never truly loved til you put your arms around me. You put your arms around me and I’m home ”

    When you’re in love with someone, when you love them (agape, eros, mania) you give them everything, and you ask nothing in return but their arms wrapped around you. It’s like you’ve been hibernating for eons and their arms bring the summer’s sun.
    But when those arms leave… it destroys you’re very core and you feel like you’re ability to love is inadequate. And in your ability to love others lays your happiness.

    You know the reprise to Superwoman? The song: where were you when I needed you?
    “When the summer came you were not around, now that summer’s gone, love cannot be found. Where were you when needed you last winter, my love? When the winter came you went further South, departing from love’s nest, leaving me in doubt. Where are you when I needed you like right now?”

    Yes sometimes love doesn’t last forever, but you can’t expect to experience summer for the first time only to return to your normal snowy igloo without remorse. You want to continue your bask in the sun’s warming rays. The cold holds no appeal for you anymore. And as you try to recapture summer’s glow, fighting tooth and nail for the smallest glimmer of light, you question your ability to keep fighting or to ever find sun again.

    And this will pass. You can’t go back to them (him), but you can’t stop yourself from dreaming, reminiscing, wanting… you can only hope to grow stronger and watch the horizon for another sighting of sun.

    I’m not particularly there yet, I’m still standing in the snow in my tankini… frost bitten and blue lipped. But I refuse a blanket because I know the sun’s coming back… Aren’t you Sun? Don’t you miss me?

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