Just had a good, serious convo with Clay-Born. I call her ‘mom’ because she was/is the mother of my line and continues to be one for me. We talked about my mom and my missing her and dealing with it or lack thereof. I was getting upset at some of the things she was saying, if I’m to be honest, but I know what she was saying was out of love and was probably right. But it doesn’t/didn’t change how I felt. I told her at one point she was making me want to throw stuff lol You can tell we love each other because I’ll hear her out and absorb what she says even when I don’t like it. smh

Sometimes I wish I could curl up in my bed and stay. Not go anywhere or do anything. But that doesn’t pay rent does it. That’s what I want to do tomorrow. I want to stay in bed, under the covers. Not go anywhere. Keep the door to my room closed. Barely venture out. Text/call people if I want.

I told Clay-Born that I would really like to have my mom back. I know it won’t happen, but that’s what I would really really like. As ridiculous as it may seem, I think in some ways I’m still hoping for that. That somehow or someway she will come back, be back, be here.


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