I wrote in my Xanga blog before (not sure if here too) that I don’t like dressing up. I don’t like fitted clothes. “Typical” clothes that most girls like to wear, I don’t.
I don’t like dresses.
Dresses, definitely not.
I’m wearing a dress to my dean’s wedding because she said I have to and..well, she’s my dean. I have no choice lol At this point, I would have to find a dress I really, really, really, liked to even wear one at my own wedding. If I’m invited out to dinner or somewhere, my first question is usually, “do I have to dress up”? If the answer is yes…idk. Not saying I won’t go, but I’ll have to like prepare myself and think carefully about what I have. Odds are I will still wear pants. Heels are a maybe also, but they are not comfortable, so I tend to stick to sneakers or flats. I walk a lot, so I need to be able to walk in shoes. Although, if I’m getting a ride, I won’t mind too much.
I went shopping with Cloud 9 yesterday and it was a lot of fun. The whole day was great. I re-realized something though:
While I do honestly like my clothes, my style and all of that, SOME (read: SOME. not ALL) of what I wear is an effort to hide what I don’t like about myself/my body. I like to be hidden. Prefer it, actually.
That is ONE reason I don’t like fitted clothing. Another reason is because it makes me feel exposed. If I’m wearing something that I consider fitted, not even necessarily tight, just fitted..odds are I will have some type of jacket with me or on me. I like to be covered up unless it’s unbearably hot. That being said..there are some things/articles of clothing I just genuinely like. I like cargo pants. I like cargo shorts. I don’t like “girl” shorts because they are typically not only tighter, but shorter than I would like them to be. I only started wearing capris like 2 years ago.
It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I can slowly, but surely figure out clothes and a style that I like. That is me. But it bothers me and sometimes hurts me when I feel like people are looking down on me or that I’m less of a woman or less feminine because I don’t wear fitted clothes, flats or heels all the time or certain shirts. I’m a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. Most of the time, I feel very “other” or different from women in general. Even with my sisters, sometimes. We can all be hanging out and I can’t help but notice the differences in my dress and theirs. I appreciate and I love..with all my heart, people who love me for me. There are a few people I can think off the top of my head, who don’t care how I dress unless it’s for a specific occasion. Would I show up to a wedding in cargo shorts? or jeans and a t-shirt? No! But if I don’t have to dress up, I won’t. And the funny thing is, what most people consider casual/regular, is dressing up for me. And if I don’t like to dress up, I’m not going to be wearing things like that all the time.
The sad thing is, society broadcasts the message that for a woman to be noticed by a man, she has to look a certain way and dress a certain way. Sometimes I think about this and I wonder…I know what I can wear or put on in my closet that will get me attention. But those clothes aren’t ME. They aren’t who I am. Is it worth it? Because I’m not like that..will noone notice me? I don’t think so. Although sometimes that’s how I feel. That can be another post though.