Scared

I recently tweeted how it’s funni that when you decide that you’re going to look on the bright side of things or whatever, things seem to take a turn for the worse. That’s definitely how I feel. Once I made that decision, it was like 3hrs of cloudy skies (which for me is a good thing, I like overcast days), but then….all of a sudden things are not only back to what they were, they are a little worse. 

Last night I went to sleep uncertain about a lot. The future, MY future,in general. And quite honestly, that scares me. Ideally I would like to know exactly what is going to happen (wouldn’t we all)…not even necessarily a whole lot of details, but even ambiguously, SOMETHING, you know? And I know diddly squat. So this morning I woke up scared…sometimes I have that sleep where I can tell that even in my slumber, something was weighing heavily on my mind. That was definitely me last night. Not only that, but the fear stuck with me as I returned to my conscious reality. Not a fun feeling, let me tell you.

One of my close friends directed me to Psalm 23. I had to chuckle at that..I don’t know why lol I have pasted it below:

 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
       he leads me beside quiet waters,

 3 he restores my soul. 
       He guides me in paths of righteousness 
       for his name’s sake.

 4 Even though I walk 
       through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] 
       I will fear no evil, 
       for you are with me; 
       your rod and your staff, 
       they comfort me.

 5 You prepare a table before me 
       in the presence of my enemies. 
       You anoint my head with oil; 
       my cup overflows.

 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me 
       all the days of my life, 
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD 
       forever.

 

Which you know…He is always with me. Leading me through the valley of the shadow of death (which could be many things…)…but I WILL FEAR NO EVIL….

THEN she refers me to a song by Francesca Battistelli. Which is hilarious because I said once that I like that song, but I’m pretti sure she said she didn’t. Anyway. The chorus of that song goes something like this:

 

‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends 
But I’ll be alright ’cause You wrote it 
I don’t know where the highway bends 
But I’m doing just fine 
‘Cause You’re in control 
Even when I don’t know 
Where my life’s gonna go 
You’re keeping me guessing 

 

Which is true…even though I don’t know what’s going on in my life right now, I have to trust Him. Not only trust that He knows what’s going on, but trust Him enough to walk down this road what I consider “blindly”..which, of course, makes me remember how we walk by faith and not by sight. Honestly, sometimes I’m like that’s cool, but can’t we get a little sight as well? But no…it’s not we walk by faith AND sight. We walk by faith with some sight on the side….we walk by faith and NOT by sight. I guess it works out…He knows what He’s doing because if I was walking by sight, I’d be in trouble. Right now almost nothing I see looks good. But you know what? I have the essentials…I have a roof over my head/somewhere to lay my head, food to eat, a job, my body functioning, friends and family that love me and that I love. And more than that, a God who loves me more than I can see and who will lead me THROUGH…

     – sidebar I heard somewhere that that’s a keyword in Psalm 23. The fact that David said THROUGH the valley means we will come out of it- 

 

…THROUGH all of this. I won’t be in this place forever. And even if I am/was to be…God’s got this. Now if only it were easy….lol 

 

 

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