I recently tweeted how it’s funni that when you decide that you’re going to look on the bright side of things or whatever, things seem to take a turn for the worse. That’s definitely how I feel. Once I made that decision, it was like 3hrs of cloudy skies (which for me is a good thing, I like overcast days), but then….all of a sudden things are not only back to what they were, they are a little worse.
Last night I went to sleep uncertain about a lot. The future, MY future,in general. And quite honestly, that scares me. Ideally I would like to know exactly what is going to happen (wouldn’t we all)…not even necessarily a whole lot of details, but even ambiguously, SOMETHING, you know? And I know diddly squat. So this morning I woke up scared…sometimes I have that sleep where I can tell that even in my slumber, something was weighing heavily on my mind. That was definitely me last night. Not only that, but the fear stuck with me as I returned to my conscious reality. Not a fun feeling, let me tell you.
One of my close friends directed me to Psalm 23. I had to chuckle at that..I don’t know why lol I have pasted it below:
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Which you know…He is always with me. Leading me through the valley of the shadow of death (which could be many things…)…but I WILL FEAR NO EVIL….
THEN she refers me to a song by Francesca Battistelli. Which is hilarious because I said once that I like that song, but I’m pretti sure she said she didn’t. Anyway. The chorus of that song goes something like this:
‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright ’cause You wrote it
I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doing just fine
‘Cause You’re in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing
Which is true…even though I don’t know what’s going on in my life right now, I have to trust Him. Not only trust that He knows what’s going on, but trust Him enough to walk down this road what I consider “blindly”..which, of course, makes me remember how we walk by faith and not by sight. Honestly, sometimes I’m like that’s cool, but can’t we get a little sight as well? But no…it’s not we walk by faith AND sight. We walk by faith with some sight on the side….we walk by faith and NOT by sight. I guess it works out…He knows what He’s doing because if I was walking by sight, I’d be in trouble. Right now almost nothing I see looks good. But you know what? I have the essentials…I have a roof over my head/somewhere to lay my head, food to eat, a job, my body functioning, friends and family that love me and that I love. And more than that, a God who loves me more than I can see and who will lead me THROUGH…
– sidebar I heard somewhere that that’s a keyword in Psalm 23. The fact that David said THROUGH the valley means we will come out of it-
…THROUGH all of this. I won’t be in this place forever. And even if I am/was to be…God’s got this. Now if only it were easy….lol