The title got you, didn’t it. I was trying to think of something that indicated, at least to me, going out there. I had something else in mind, but it’s like the idea wouldn’t manifest itself into actual words in my brain. So then this appeared. And here we go. Some of you may remember this line from Toy Story. It’s from when Andy was playing with Mr. Potato Head and…Rex? I think..and that was the line he said in regards to Mr. P. Classic…my mom loves that line.
Tonight and throughout the day my sister was telling my cousin (as I listened) how I don’t sleep. And then a little bit ago she said she wished I would sleep and that I should have a couple days a week where I go to bed by 9pm. The idea was almost laughable to me, though I know she’s right. Even while school was in session, it was rare that I took the opportunity to go to bed early, even when I had it. Sometimes I would have no work to do and would still stay up. I know right after my mom died I didn’t want to sleep. My sister said it perfectly then: She said I didn’t GO to sleep, I would FALL asleep. And she was definitely right..I would stay up as long as I possibly could, until my body literally could not stay awake anymore and it just went to sleep on its own..against my will.
So what’s the deal these days?
The truth is, sometimes I feel like sleep is a waste of time. It’s odd and doesn’t make sense and I can be a bit of a hypocrite in this aspect. Because I definitely will tell people the importance of sleep. And there are days when I will want to sleep or nap because I didn’t get much sleep…but sometimes..like now…the idea of sleep, despite my fatigue…is just not “appealing”. And I don’t know why. I do think some of it may have carried over from December. Mixed in with the thought that as I sleep, I’m missing something or could have been doing something…when the truth of the matter is, even as I’m up, I probably wouldn’t be doing anything very productive. Right now I’m blogging. Joy. 🙂