True Life: I’m Afraid of…

You know what sucks? Fear. Like fear royally stinks. And I HATE being scared. I really can’t stand it. I don’t watch scary movies usually (although I did watch Quarantine the other nite), I don’t like when people hide and jump out at me or whatever..etc,etc. There are few things that I’m actually scared of..bugs give me the creeps, but thanks to a certain eagle and a certain dove, I’ll probably think twice before killing them…maybe.

You know why fear is so stinky? Because of paralysis. It can paralyze a person like nothing else. I used to be really bad at killing bugs (not that the goal was to kill them…I feel they need to stay outside and if they come in my space..they run the risk of not leaving alive..but that was my old mindset lol). Anyway..where was I…oh yes. I used to get paralyzed when I saw a bug. I couldn’t move, certainly not towards it, but not even away from it, because I was so scared. Nevermind that I’m like 100 times their size, that they’re actually crawling or flying away from me, or are simply being stationary. I was always caught and frozen, like a dear in the headlights. It was actually quite sad. One of my sisters knows, better than anyone, my plight and I would call her for moral support and she would kinda talk me through the whole process. But, you know, little by little, I got “better”. (The quotation marks are to indicate that killing bugs is not a sport and should not be treated as such..the bugs are God’s creatures too…see? I’m learning)

My point is, it took a lot for me to move past that…I’m still moving past it. But onward and upward, right? Unfortunately when it comes to life..situations that are so much bigger and so much more important than bugs…it’s hard for me to move past it. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…if it takes me that long to get over a bug…I know I’m not alone in this. Especially because some of the “fears” I’m struggling with are ludicrous. I know this…it’s madness in its truest form. But it’s still there…I have a choice though..I can either stay in my spot and let it control me or I can move forward, in Jesus’ name, and overcome it. That’s what I want to do…and to call on God (first and foremost) to be my support, my rock, my foundation. And then enlist the help of the people He’s put in my life as moral support. It’s so hard though. In more ways than one. Either I don’t know who to ask for help or I don’t want to because I’m scared. Scared of what, you ask? A number of things…it varies from person to person…relationship to relationship. MADNESS, I tell you. Well, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? God, I have a problem. Ok. Time to move forward. Step one…

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